It’s been a while since I last posted and part of the reason for that is because I’ve had a big decision weighing on me. If you read the title and have been following this series, you can probably guess there has been a change in direction. I will no longer be prepping for a fall competition. I could rattle off a million reasons why I won’t be competing and try to explain all of the factors that weighed in on my decision, OR I could chalk it all up to the truth: I’m not happy with where my physique is.
Over the past few months there have been a number of variables (such as having to move 4 different times) that have fallen well outside of my control. Although I have done my best to stay in check mentally and am very proud of how I’ve handled certain situations, my body has undoubtedly absorbed a lot of the stress going on in life and I’m not happy with how that is being reflected in my physique. Could I step on stage and still do well? Sure! Through everything, I have still made significant progress. I’m the leanest I have ever been and have reached a bodyweight I haven’t seen since middle school. The bigger question I’ve had to ask myself is whether I could step on stage knowing I had brought the best possible version of myself. And the answer to that is no.
I had to swallow a lot of pride in making this decision. I’m a passionate person and when I have my heart and head set on something, I make it happen. The thought of pulling back from something I’ve been set out to accomplish for so long didn’t sit well with me. But that’s when I had to step back and really reevaluate my goals. During this process my goal has never been to just step on stage. My goals are bigger than that. I hold myself to very high expectations and have a very clear vision of the physique I want to showcase. The physique I bring to stage needs to be indisputable. I want to be 100% confident as I walk across stage and don’t want to think “what if.” And to be honest, right now I have a lot of “what ifs” when I look at myself, which is how I know I am making the best decision for myself. With the growing popularity of the competition industry it’s really easy to lose sight of this goal. With so many shows each weekend and seeing how frequently some athletes compete, it’s easy to feel pressured to step on stage. However, I have to remind myself to be grounded in my goals and that this journey isn’t about chasing a show. It’s about chasing a physique.
I think this same principle can be applied beyond the walls of the fitness community. Whatever journey you are on, be grounded in your goals. Surround yourself with people who hold you accountable in achieving your goals and don’t let external pressure or the opinion of others sway you from what you have set out to accomplish. Let your goals provide meaning and don’t settle if you feel like you are falling short.
This next chapter will be dedicated toward growth. Physically, mentally, and emotionally I’m on a pursuit to become the best possible version of myself. I’m fortunate enough to be surrounded by a boyfriend, family and team that won’t let me settle or fall short in reaching my goals. The purpose of this blog will remain the same. I will still work on being as transparent as possible in sharing my journey with everyone. As future plans unfold I’m excited to share the changes that take place and all that goes along with this new growing phase!